A Very Stupid Thing That I Did (That You Should Not)
Some thoughts on community
The following is an essay I wrote in order to fulfill my obligation to the Neighborhood Justice Program in the wake of my arrest for vandalism last year. I’m voluntarily publishing it here because I think there’s some good lessons in it for everyone:
Remember when you were in school and got caught cheating on a test? The teacher suddenly snaps to attention and walks towards you in a purposeful unbroken line. The way they’d grab your wrist and flip your palm over to reveal answers written on it in ink pen. The snatching away of the exam paper as your classmates all whirled to see what happened. The heat of shame and embarrassment rocketed from your forehead and into your bone marrow. Now imagine you’re outside and you’re holding a can of spray paint…
Well, it wasn’t spray paint but it may have well been. A can of 3M Super 77 Spray Adhesive has the exact mechanism and appearance of spray paint. Unless you’re reading right off the label there’s no way of knowing that’s not what it is. So when that LAPD police officer looked to his left and saw me spray painting on a public utility pole in broad daylight I can’t know exactly what was going through his mind but I can recall what his face said, “Are you serious right now?” I was, so was he.
What happened next happened fast. A shout, “Hey!” Panic, I tried to walk off (stupid). The sirens coming on, the police SUV pulling a hot U-Turn. I made it three steps before reality struck - you are fleeing the scene - I stopped. When the officer exited his squad car I was expecting a stern talking to. What I got instead was “I’m placing you under arrest for vandalism.”
TikTok is a nasty place. It’ll find out what you’re entertained by and keep showing it to you no matter what. When I first started using TikTok, it decided I really like police bodycam videos. I didn’t want to, mining content from citizens at their lowest moments is repulsive, but it was impossible to deny they were entertaining. Watching those poor people get arrested - spitting, snarling, cussing, making the situation worse (and more entertaining) - I did get one useful lesson out of it: “Here’s what not to do.” Once it became clear I was, in fact, getting arrested (in all of those body cam videos never did an officer not arrest someone once declared they were under arrest), I shifted into a docile low power state. “Yes sir”/”No sir.” He cuffed me, loaded me into the squad car, escorted me into the police station, and chained me to a metal bench facing the wall. Being cooperative was the first good decision I had made after a series of bad ones.
My arresting officer approaches me, “What did you spray paint on that pole?” I recoil with shock, “Officer, nothing… Do you like Sade?” “Oh me and my wife love Sade,” he replies. “Officer… look in my backpack.” He does, out comes a flyer for “Love Deluxe: Sade Night.” Yes, that was my vandalism. I was hanging up flyers for a jazz event. Now there’s confusion, I say to him, “Look at the can, it says it’s spray adhesive.” He administers some to a plastic sheet, “Looks like spray paint to me.” There was some doubt on the officer’s end but ultimately I was released in a blessedly short 45 minutes. I was told there would be a court summons but I was back outside. The can was admitted for evidence.
When I tell people this story they ask me why didn’t I resist? I wasn’t committing a crime, I shouldn’t have let them take me in. I disagree with this idea on a number of fronts. One, I was defacing public property, that is a crime. Was I committing vandalism? Maybe not but I was applying a strong adhesive to hang up a flyer that was going to be very hard to remove. Two, this had to happen. I needed to get a reality check and this was, hands down, the best way it could have happened if I wasn’t going to wake up on my own and realize how dangerous what I was doing was. Let’s briefly recount the ways this could have gone so much worse; Let’s say I was spraying up some flyers in the wrong neighborhood and the wrong gang of people spotted me. Let’s say they assumed I was from a rival gang of the wrong people and took action to stop me. This almost happened once. I was spraying some flyers downtown when someone confronted me. I explained that I wasn’t tagging but he sure did think I was.
So that’s one way this could have ended worse. Here’s some more. What if someone saw me spray painting in their neighborhood, took action, and cornered me at one of my events about it. I had, after all, just glued a flyer with information on where I’d be and when. What if a random civilian, upset at the idea that someone was tagging their neighborhood, moved to stop me in the process. Those are bad, let’s look at the broader social implications. How many people were unnerved watching some punk go around vandalizing public property like nobody was watching? How many city employees did I force to stand there and scrape my flyers off poles? How many people watched my flagrant disregard for decorum and vowed to never attend one of the events I was advertising? If part of doing events, throwing parties, is building community why would I take hostile actions against that community?
Many months after my arrest I was contacted by a member of Los Angeles’ Neighborhood Justice Program. Instead of going to court, I got to speak before a panel of people that were dedicated to making things right instead of sending people through the legal process. It was a warm and friendly conversation, we laughed, we chatted, we enjoyed each other's company, but more than anything I was bowled over by empathy. These people were volunteering their time to counsel people and keep them out of jail. I got to talk about my experience, how I regretted what I had done and take responsibility for my actions. They assigned me this essay and some community service, both of which I accepted with gratitude. I also volunteered to publish it, which is how you’re reading it right now.
Ambition is good to a point. Once you start working to achieve your goals to the detriment of others you’re hurting yourself. I was getting the word out about my events while damaging my community in the process. I love DTLA. To add to DTLA’s woes for my own ends is shameful. I should never have been doing this and the next time you’re tempted to straddle what’s legal and what’s not in pursuit of your goals I want you to stop and consider the consequences. Not just personal consequences but the invisible hurt you’re causing others. Did I bring a few people to my parties this way? Maybe. But the long term impacts are not worth it. I was endangering myself and harming the community I claim to care about. I’m humbled at the chance to repair what I’ve done in this manner.
I wrote every word of this, I didn’t use some AI tool or pass it off onto a hired hand, so there’s no cheating to be caught here. Being given the opportunity to right this wrong by a community outreach organization has reminded me that there are things the city can do to help you. As such I will respect the city more in kind. I hope that by reading what I’ve written you consider the ways you can be someone that contributes to your community, not take from it. Cheating works until it doesn’t and the second it stops working you’ll regret every shortcut that got you there. Take my advice, do the right thing, your future self is waiting to thank you for it.